I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
