I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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