Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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