went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
