His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
