He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
