best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
