and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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