there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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