Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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