She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
