I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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