Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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