My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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