puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
