This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
