go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm drive I can fine osifer
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize