i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
