I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this boner is exhausting
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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