K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
