There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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