While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the liver wants what the liver wants
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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