Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
