i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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