Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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