the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
