I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
