I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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