Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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