Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
