i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
