Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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