I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I would fuck him just for his dog
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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