I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
