Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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