You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
