It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
