My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
