I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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