I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize