And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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