She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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