So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
