He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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