Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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