I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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