I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
