One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
