When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
