I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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