If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
