i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
