I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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