My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
