So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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