Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize