Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
