i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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