Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
