Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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