My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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