Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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