No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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