Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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