I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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