ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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