The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
