i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
