He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
