Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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