Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
