Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
