I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
