so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
