I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
