I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
