I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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