Sry I called you an 8
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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