Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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