If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
