wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
