He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
