There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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