Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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