**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
