she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize