So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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