i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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