Dude my mom stole all your condoms
even my farts smell like vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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