Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
