At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
