You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
