YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
