hotel room ftw
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he thought i was a dude.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
