If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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