Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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