Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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