Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
