I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
