I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
