I feel great
I just peed on a car
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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