hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
