sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize