there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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