Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize