im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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