it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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