Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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